Grief: It Is a Very Large Word Indeed
By Curtis K. Shelburne
Grief. It’s a far bigger word than we usually think.
Oh, we all know that it applies to the loss wrought by death as we’ve stood at the graveside of a loved one, smelled the flowers, felt the emptiness, and wondered how to face a world so suddenly changed.
And every day changes. We may think we’re doing, well, some better. At least, maybe making small steps in the right direction. And then we get up on the next day and find ourselves, it seems, having taken two, or twenty, steps backward.
Following the death of his wife, C. S. Lewis wrote of grief’s pervasiveness, “Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery’s shadow or reflection . . . I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.”
Grief seems to color everything. We long for the time to come when it isn’t the first thing that hits us in the face yet again each morning and the last thing we think of before we finally find sleep each night.
Such is so very true regarding death-induced grief.
But grief is spelled L-O-S-S, and loss comes in many bitter flavors.
Whatever dreams you had for your marriage, only your nightmares would have included the divorce that throttled those dreams.
Whatever your dreams for your child, well, only bad dreams included . . .
Your dreams for your business or profession were bright and optimistic and seemed real at the time, but . . .
Maybe you’d dreamed of traveling in retirement. And now? You are. Mostly to specialists and pharmacies.
In any of your dreams for the future, did these words figure in? Cancer. Addiction. Bankruptcy. Jail. Tragedy. Hurt. Disappointment. Depression.
Need I mention that those are not words you’ll ever lightly drop into a Christmas letter?
And by the way, in the midst of such loss is one that colors it all and may surprise you until we name it. But we need to name it. It’s the loss of control.
“I don’t know what to do about . . .”
“Here’s what needs to happen, but I can’t . . .”
“I have no clue what . . .”
“I can’t imagine how I’ll . . .”
The ship has already embarked. You’re in the midst of the sea and the storm. And the rudder has broken loose from the wheel.
Need I tell you? This is frightening. Worse, really. This is terrifying.
Will it help much if I point out that none of us was ever really in control anyway? That was largely an illusion.
But maybe it will help a little for us to consider where we actually might try to exert a little control. Maybe just in small moments at first. But in our attitudes. In our next footstep. In sincerely asking for help, for each of the ten thousand times we’ve asked and failed yet again to truly “cast our cares” on the Captain of our souls (and leave them there). He really does care for us, love us, more than we can imagine.
As deeply frightened as I often am on life’s sea, I believe that the “man of sorrows” really is “acquainted with” our grief in all of its forms. We can believe in and trust his willingness to “carry our sorrows.”
And, paradoxically, stronger and deeper, more real and pervasive than any of our genuine grief, is his joy. When all of our griefs and hot tears have faded away, his joy will remain for a thousand forevers.
You're invited to visit my website at www.CurtisShelburne.com!
Copyright 2019 by Curtis K. Shelburne. Permission to copy without altering text or for monetary gain is hereby granted subject to inclusion of this copyright notice.%%detect_both%%